Pre-transition

My days as a child, teenager and young adult as female bodied. I am proud of my histories. Being born female had its many frustrations, discomfort, dysphoria but none the less has enriched my life in many ways. Being in a position to experience the inequalities first hand that patriarchal values have on women’s lives on a daily basis has made me more aware person that understands my position and privileges today.

POEM // A Queer Transman with Aspergers!

A Queer Transman with Aspergers! – An Alien among Aliens in an Alien world.

A social queue was missed by me! Was that a flirt, was that a hello! A smile, a flatness of facial expression, a discussion of my passions! A fixation of my likes!

Don’t be afraid, you have just meet a  “queer transman with aspergers”. A maze of tags to reflect my eye into this world!

Am I with my social eye, my friend, my polaris! I might be alone in a corner, I might be dancing! I might be with hands full of paint! I might just interrupt your conversation! I might be jiggling or not even look at you whilst I talk! I might not even talk. I am not rude! I am just a “queer transman with aspergers!”

Did I see you? I might not even hear you, did I hear you? Am I in your space? Did I just leave? Did I say hello?  Don’t think I am aloof, I am just a “queer transman with aspergers”.

The sublets of social queues I don’t catch, I am in a foreign land, I wear coloured glasses to filter the light, I have sensory issues with hearing and touch, a heightened consciousness of my environment!

Don’t walk away scratching your head when meeting me! That scratch you ponder is just meeting a “queer transman with aspergers”.

Since 1976 I have come to realise I am Queer, I am man and I have aspergers syndrome! Since then it’s been a journey to convince the world. An Alien world I don’t understand. I stood tall as a Lesbian teenager in Western Sydney, went into transition from Female to Male when I was 23 and  found to be a queer man when I was 30. Was officially diagnosed with aspergers this year 2010.

286 intramuscular injections, 3 major surgeries and  being into the hundredth appointment of psychologists, specialists and Dr’s. What have I learnt in this crossing of the sexes, fusion of diagnosis and a mirrored identity of sexuality.

Awareness is a key to understanding! So I stand and say I am a “Queer Transman with Aspergers!”

Don’t befriend me because you feel sorry for me. I am very Happy, thank you! Don’t come up to me yelling! I am not deaf! Tolerance is ignorance of the ego!  It might be your world that is the conjuring trick!!!

Poetry

buttler

“THE BUTLER PERFORMANCE” 2009

I walked around as a Butler,  handing out scrolls with my poems,  on the tray was  Prosthetic Dicks “Packies”.

POEMS

Written by Ethan-Kristy 2009

Am I,

Am I more of a man than you?
Am I more of a woman than you?
Am I more of man transitioning?
Am I more of man with this silicone penis?
Am I less of woman for wearing this penis?
Am I less of a woman for transitioning?
Am I, less Than more or more than less?

I am,

I am a man without a penis.
I am a woman with a penis.
I am a dyke envying a penis.
I am poof needing a penis.
I am transman evolving the penis.

Oh Penis,

Oh Penis, oh Penis,
Where art thou penis?
Aloof, obscure flesh object of desire and hate!
Mazed in this world with such power & might.
Why, oh why?
Why NOT bestow living on me,
Why did you go…
…to my brother, my uncle, my father ?
& not me?

The Alphabet Soup – [DAEE]

“DAEE” Appropriated Dummies book cover design by Ethan-Kristy

Diversity, Acceptance, Equality & Education [DAEE]

I am not a gay male, I am not a bear, I am not woman, I am not male, I am all and none. How you perceive me is not my identity. My histories and identities are not linear, they are diverse and continue to change. In my life I have fallen under many labels. I have been at different times perceived as  woman, man, gender queer, lesbian, bi, gay, bear, transgender and even heterosexual. My identity has more variations than this acronym “LGBTIQ”

I am very proud of all my identities and histories!

Why limit a person to a set of labels – lets learn Diversity, Acceptance, Equality and Education.